Episode 98 – Are You Putting a Bandaid on Your Problem? | laurakelly.co

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Episode 98 – Are You Putting a Bandaid on Your Problem?



This. Changed. EVERYTHING.

In this episode I’m walking you through the model that leads to lasting change. Maybe you’ve heard of the saying, “your thoughts dictate your feelings, your feelings dictate your actions, your actions dictate your results.” May that’s as far as you’ve gotten with it, or maybe this is all new.

Either way, I’m going back to basics by explaining Brooke Castillo’s model in depth, in hopes that you can come face to face with the areas of your life that you’re currently solving with a bandaid, AKA skipping thoughts and feelings and heading straight to actions. There’s a big problem here…

Actions tap into your WILLPOWER, which has a natural expiry date.

I cannot wait for you to try out this self-coaching model on yourself; to discover how lasting change is not about “trying harder” or “doing more.”

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THE SELF-COACHING MODEL / C-TFAR MODEL:

Brooke Castillo’s model has been so helpful for me in my own growth, as well as the coaching work that I’ve done in my one-on-one program. Visually you can think of it like a ladder with 5 rungs. First circumstances, then Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results at the bottom. They are all connected, but the order is super important. 


CIRCUMSTANCES: 

  • Your circumstance is a proven fact, it is not up for debate, it is not subjective
  • Example: “I have $20,000 of debt” or “I weigh 150 pounds” or “I have 15 jobs booked this year”
  • Your circumstance is NEUTRAL
  • Innately, it is not good or bad, it’s our thoughts about that circumstance that flavour it one way or another
  • Example: to some, seeing their debt as low as $20k would be a dream! Or weighing 150 pounds is their ultimate goal weight! 


YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES CREATE THOUGHTS: 

  • Your circumstance creates thoughts using data from your experiences 
  • Thoughts are your inner narrative, and they’re happening constantly
  • Thoughts are more opinion based vs. fact based.
  • Example: “I’m bad at writing” An argument could be made for both sides of this thought. Sure, you’re not the BEST writer in the world, but there are certainly people who cannot write as well as you.
  • The data that creates these thoughts is based on every experience, interaction, conversation, and believe you’ve collected during your lifetime
  • Since your thoughts pull from the past, they tent to lead you towards recreating the part
  • Example: the thought “I’m a bad writer” doesn’t lead you down a path to CHANGE your circumstance.

YOUR THOUGHTS DICTATE YOUR FEELINGS:

  • Your thoughts create the physical, biological, chemical reaction in your body that we call FEELINGS
  • Feelings are emotions that can be summed up in one word
  • Example: anxious, resentful, happy, content, frustrated, proud, excited, terrified, confident, doubtful, relaxed, shameful
  • We spend a lot of time trying to resist our feelings, to not feel the negative ones
  • It can actually be really difficult to tap into what feeling you’re experiencing, especially if it’s fear based
  • Fear based feelings might not show up in the way we think…
  • Example: “Doubt” is fear based — fear of not being good enough, fear of disappointing
  • Example: “Shame” is fear-based — fear of being judged, fear of acknowledging / ownership of actions


DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS:

There can is often a messy or blurry line between thoughts and feelings. This is totally normal! I struggled to tell the difference until I saw this example: 

  • “I am annoyed that I don’t have any leads coming in right now because I’m not talented”
  • That is a mix of thoughts and feelings
  • THOUGHT: “people are not hiring me because I’m not talented”
  • FEELING: “annoyed, hurt, sad, doubtful”


YOUR FEELINGS DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS:

  • Actions are what you do (or don’t do) in response to a feeling
  • Example: when you feel doubt, you might back off, self-sabotage, avoid trying something new
  • Example: when you feel confident, you might go for it! you might explore creatively, you might make a brave or bold decision for your business


YOUR ACTIONS DICTATE YOUR RESULTS:

  • Results are what happens when you do that action or inaction
  • Results are the outcome of what you chose to do, which are triggered by that feeling, which show up because of the thoughts in your inner narrative 

“Your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results”

ARE YOU PUTTING A BANDAID ON YOUR PROBLEM?

  • By working the model on myself, I discovered that if I want to change a result in my life, I skip straight to actions, ignoring thoughts and feelings entirely
  • Example: If I want to lose weight, I throw out all the junk in my house
  • Example: If I want a more organized life, I go on a purge of every room


THE ACTIONS-ONLY PROBLEM:

  • When you only change your ACTIONS, you are tapping into willpower
  • Willpower has a natural expiry date, which is why you might find yourself on a rollercoaster of success and laziness! 
  • Tapping into willpower doesn’t create lasting change


SO HOW EXACTLY DO YOU CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS?

  • To change your thoughts, you must understand the entire model and how it works
  • Working backwards against the result you want to achieve will show you what actions you need to take to achieve that result 
  • When you know the actions you need to take, ask yourself what feelings you’d have to be experiencing in the body in order to achieve that result
  • And when you know the feelings you need to have, ask yourself what your inner narrative would sound like in order to feel that way


DAILY THOUGHTS EXERCISE:

  • I have been documenting 3-5 thoughts DAILY, including the wins that I’ve had that day that align with my desired result
  • On days where it doesn’t feel like there are wins, I write 3-5 thoughts that I would love to have tomorrow
  • These are thoughts that I know inspire the feelings that make me WANT to do the actions that align with my desired result
  • It sounds simple, which actually makes me wish it were more complicated so that you’d be more likely to try it for yourself! 
  • 3-5 thoughts daily — that’s all it takes to start turning up the volume on your positive thoughts and start hitting mute on the data-only thoughts that want to keep you reliving your same old patterns and staying still

Episode 98 – Are You Putting a Bandaid on Your Problem?

This. Changed. EVERYTHING. 

I’m going deep on the topic of how our THOUGHTS and FEELINGS dictate our ACTIONS and RESULTS. Specifically, how skipping straight to actions is really a bandaid on our problems. In this episode I’ll share my own experiences with willpower, and the action-based solutions I always go to first, and how they lead to inconsistent behaviour and a rollercoaster of highs and lows.  

I want you to show up fully for this episode. Take it with you on a walk, for a workout, or in a prolonged moment of solitude. It works best when you have the mental clarity to connect the dots and see how this work can apply to your life. 

Lastly, I’m leaving you with one simple piece of advice for tapping into a more permanent solution. In fact, it’s SO simple that I’m actually annoyed I didn’t start doing it sooner. 

Connect with Laura Kelly:

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Learn more about Laura Kelly Coaching Programs: http://coaching.laurakelly.co/

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My specialty is helping you to rediscover your passion — what drives you, what makes you come alive — and helping you ignite that spark of power, motivation, and vibrancy in your life. 

I've needed MANY pep talks over the years to keep chugging along at building my dream, and now I have the privilege of being able to dole out that kind of support for other dreamers like you!

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